Schools present unique challenges and opportunities for help-seeking. The academic environment, peer relationships, and institutional structure all influence how children approach seeking assistance.
Academic Help-Seeking
Create Classroom Cultures That Support Help-Seeking
Teachers play a crucial role in establishing norms around help-seeking in academic environments.
Effective classroom strategies:
- Explicitly teach that asking questions is a learning strategy
- Model your own learning and help-seeking
- Create systems for students to ask for help privately
- Celebrate productive help-seeking as much as independent problem-solving
- Provide multiple ways for students to access help (peer tutoring, office hours, written questions)
"I started each year by telling my students that I expected them to ask for help," shares Maria, a fifth-grade teacher. "I explained that my job was to help them learn, and they couldn't let me do my job if they didn't tell me when they were confused. It completely changed the dynamic in my classroom."
Address Academic Help-Seeking Anxiety
Many students experience anxiety about asking for academic help due to fears about appearing unintelligent or unprepared.
Strategies for reducing academic help-seeking anxiety:
- Normalize the learning process, including confusion and mistakes
- Share stories of successful people who needed help learning difficult concepts
- Provide anonymous ways to ask questions
- Use formative assessment to identify who needs help without requiring them to ask
- Create study groups and peer learning opportunities
Peer Help and Social Situations
Teaching Children to Seek Help with Social Problems
Social challenges are often the most difficult for children to seek help with, as they involve vulnerability and potential judgment.
Common social help-seeking challenges:
- Friendship conflicts and exclusion
- Bullying and peer pressure
- Social anxiety and shyness
- Romantic relationships (for older children)
- Group dynamics and belonging
Age-appropriate social help-seeking strategies:
Elementary age:
- "If someone is being mean to you and it doesn't stop when you ask them to stop, that's a time to get help from an adult."
- "If you're feeling left out, you can ask a teacher to help you find ways to join activities."
Middle school:
- "Social problems can be really hard to figure out on your own. Trusted adults can help you understand what's happening and give you strategies."
- "If drama is affecting your schoolwork or how you feel about yourself, that's a sign you might need help working through it."
High school:
- "Relationship problems that make you feel bad about yourself or scared are serious and worth talking to someone about."
- "Peer pressure situations where you feel unsafe or uncomfortable are times when you need adult support."
Navigating Authority Relationships
Teaching Children to Seek Help from Teachers and School Staff
Many children struggle with approaching authority figures for help, either due to intimidation or fear of consequences.
Building comfort with authority figures:
- Role-play conversations with teachers and administrators
- Teach children that teachers want to help them succeed
- Explain that school staff have specific training to help with different problems
- Practice appropriate language and timing for approaching authority figures
Scripts for approaching teachers:
- "Mrs. Smith, I'm having trouble understanding the homework assignment. Could you help me figure out what I'm supposed to do?"
- "Mr. Johnson, I'm feeling overwhelmed by all my assignments this week. Could we talk about strategies for managing my time?"
- "Ms. Garcia, something happened at recess that's bothering me. Do you have time to talk about it?"
Handling Help Rejection
Teaching Children How to Respond When Help Is Denied
Sometimes children will encounter situations where their requests for help are denied or dismissed. Learning to handle these situations appropriately is an important life skill.
When help is appropriately denied:
- The person is not available at that moment
- The request is outside the person's area of expertise
- The child needs to try more independent problem-solving first
Appropriate responses to help denial:
- "Thank you for being honest. Could you suggest someone else who might be able to help?"
- "I understand you're not available now. When would be a better time to ask?"
- "You're right that I should try some more things on my own first. If I'm still stuck after trying X and Y, could I come back to you?"
When help is inappropriately denied:
Sometimes adults may dismiss children's legitimate requests for help due to bias, being overwhelmed, or misunderstanding the situation.
Teaching children to advocate for themselves:
- "This is really important to me. Could we talk about it more?"
- "I've already tried [specific strategies]. I still need help with this."
- "Is there someone else I could talk to about this?"
- "I'm feeling like you don't understand what I'm asking. Could I explain it differently?"